Ten Unique Antiques: Laura Payne

10 Unique Antiques You Should Never, Ever Allow Into Your Home

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1. I once had one of these in my living room. Each night, I dreamt I was trapped at the bottom of a dark, icy lake. When I raised my eyes I saw through the surface of the water the moon, in the form of the grotesque green orb of this very lamp. I would awake each morning to piercing screams, and it would take me several moments to realize that they were my own. No thanks!

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2. This is a very very old baby doll, but at no point in history have babies’ faces looked so scary! Keep it away from your home and loved ones.

3. I’m not sure if this has happened to anyone else, but four or so years ago I found a prayer jar at the thrift store and while I did not purchase it, I did take the prayers out and stick them in my purse. I have been haunted ever since! Would not recommend.

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4. You just know this lady gets up out of this painting the second you go to sleep! Before you catch her standing over you in bed wringing her clammy hands, kick her to the curb.

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5. This pretty number may be safe if you keep it folded and locked in a cedar chest. If not, it is embodied by its former owner, a scorned and bloodthirsty bride. Better safe than sorry!

6. This little guy was made in Germany out of rabbit’s hair around 1901, which means at the very least it is haunted by a turn-of-the-century rabbit, and at most, the devil himself.

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7. The evil behind its eyes is unspeakable. You know better than to let this cross your threshold.

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8. This one may seem obvious because I think we all know better than to sit in a chair that looks like this!

9. We’ve all been there, you buy a cute piece of vintage jewelry on Ebay and and then you try it on and your eyes get all blurry and you want to murder your roommate. Send it back and move on!

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10. If this little trinket has found its way into your home, slowly and calmly, wrap it in a thick blanket, drive as far as you can get into the night, and as dawn breaks bury it as deep into the earth as possible, and never think of it again.

text and paintings by Laura Payne